all i see is you

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RPO is about to end and its the best experience i'd so far. well it has always been like that hasn't? STE, BTN, but this time its a bit different. most of the friends i make here are at least 5-10 years older than me. with a few years of experience in their respective career, i learnt a lot.

And I am here, without any guarantee that I'm gonna finish strong on getting a degree alhamdulillah this recent semester was a lot better let alone a decent job, I'm already worried about my-future-self. it might sounds stupid, i know. I'm writing this up and i find it hard to believe as well.

you might guess from my previous posts, "man this guy needs a girlfriend real bad." well, it's more than that. I could've already gotten one but i am much more complex than that. i don't give positive feedback to those who, i know, probably like me. and at the same time, i never had the courage to confess towards the person i like. i'm just afraid that i'd end up like most of my friends. yet, i wanted to have someone that i could talk to, whenever i wanted to. mom and dad were never an option.

i believe its all natural and i'm just complicating things. i don't want a girlfriend. i want a blessed relationship. i'm not thinking of getting married now, i just wanted to fast forward life 5-6 or 7 years later. to finish my studies and get paid in a blink of an eye, and start living life like my parents!

now... these people i recently knew, they are having the best time of their life. single and financially stable. they don't seem to be thinking as deep or as far as what i am thinking! why?


how i wish i wouldn't freak out someone out by telling her, in a few years ahead when I'm so ready, I'll meet her parents and keep things straight. That would certainly motivate me to study and work hard right now, knowing i'm gonna take care of someone's daughter for the rest of my life later. See how serious i am?

. . . !


you're wrong. this post was supposed to be a shout out to myself. apparently, when i wrote all this, it became much more clearer to me of how immature and how stupid i am. what am i writing about? i'm confused myself.

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