uphill battle

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"for all i know, i think she's a gem. she made me think of God more. she made me wanna be a better person from day one. but i don't like the idea of trying to change myself because of someone, especially her. my biggest fear is that i'm not sincere to God. what if i lose her? will i stop trying to become better? ultimately, that is the main question been lingering around in my head for years."

and there goes God's greatest test... but then, it's probably for the better.

i'm glad, despite all the random rants and babble i still do have several, really, supportive readers!

oh well, life... has been an uphill battle. the first time i started this blog was to keep reminding myself how i flunk my foundation year. also, in a way, a space i could freely express myself. i'm glad this blog also managed to capture the wonderful year i was abroad. that i can always look back at the times i felt like giving up, how i overcame it, to the point of where i am today.

to cut it short, polarcus is not hiring and i'm not to keen to become a seismic interpreter. such a tedious job yet in the end, still dealing with qualitative uncertainties that requires a sound, geological, argument for it to be mutually accepted; a skill i hardly possess. 

hence, here i am! pursuing what i've been denying since the day i started my first degree. except this time it is entirely my choice; what i wanted to do and where i wanted to do it. to start over, to literally feel at home always, to physically help out my parents when in need, to have all the time in the world in my hand. 

the only thing that has accepted me so far...

really, it's not just another degree that i'm after. but to rework on all aspects of life for the next several years and become a better version of myself, in sha Allah. rather than depicting a certain goal that never works out. for now, i am content.

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